What makes you beautiful
by mdgl
Summary: Kurt is lonely-he's the only openly gay kid at McKinley and part of the hated Glee club. When  Rachel suggests to go out, he falls in love with Blaine-things'd go perfectly if it wasn't for Blaine's hot and super sneaky boyfriend Sebastian ...
1. Chemistry

Kurts POV

"Ugh", Mercedes says looking at her Chemistry test. "I can't believe this. How come I have a D and you an A+, Kurt? Way to break a stereotype" Smiling at her I say "Well, I've never been a fan of stereotypes. Plus, I told you to study with me!" "Well, you know I've been on a date with Sam yesterday-" Oh, of course I know. She told me at least 100 times about it. Bragged about it, that is. " and it was just soo sweet we've been on that funfair in the city and he bought these little pink teddy bears! You know, these ones we've always wanted?" She smiles, clearly thinking about the memory.

She looks pretty when she smiles, and she always smiles when she talks about Sam.

_I__ought__to__be__happy__for__her_, I tell myself, but it's really hard. "Anyway, we've spent all day together. So you can't blame me for, well, not acing that test!" I look at her. "Oh, yes I understand your situation. I mean, I would if I had a boy-" "Oh, and when Sam kissed me! I mean, it was weird, that teddybear, the pink cotton-candy, the Ferris wheel, it was just... just like the very first time he kissed me, remember?" First I think of this as a rhetorical question - Seriously, forget about her first kiss? She tells me about it every other second! As I don't answer immediately she asks startingly "Kurt? Hellllo? Did you forget it?"

"Maybe I would, if you let me" I joke and she laughs - almost like old times again, as suddenly a high voice tears our moment apart. "I cannot believe what is happening here", Rachel squeals, walking determinedly towards us, followed by the other Glee Club members into the light Choir room. "A wild Rachel appears", I murmur under my breath.

Rachel's voice becomes higher when Mercedes starts laughing at my joke. "What is so funny, Mercedes? Guys, hereby I call an emergency meeting, fellow glee clubbers." She goes up to the front with her arms akimbo and waits for everyone to sit down. "As it seems there has been a case of, well how can I put it - " "Screwed up tests!" "Even though I wouldn't have put it into these exact words - Noah is right. Except for Mike and Tina everyone failed the science tests! Except for Mike and Tina, everyone did! Even _me_ !" Rachel looks horrified by the mere thought. "First, I failed that test, too so could you please stop being so racist?", Tina asks. Her dark hair shows blue highlights." And, second, I heard that Kurt got an A+" Yes, damn right. I spent so many nights studying and now all of that work had paid off.

My grades couldn't be better which is so going to help me to get into NYU. There's no way that I'm going to stay here forever. No chance. "You _did_?", Brittany asks in amazement - wait, it's not just her. Why does everyone besides Mercedes and Tina look so amazed? Excuze-moi? "Yes, I did, Brittany." I answer cooly. Or, at least I hope it comes off cool. I probably sounded like Brittany when she's drunk. There's an awkward silence Rachel interrupts "Well, what I meant to say is that we should probably be focusing on school work more. While my dads would never let _anything_ get in the way of my opportunity to perform I gathered that not all parents share that way of thinking. This was just a friendly reminder. Since Mr Shue is currently sick I took the liberty of undertaking the glee club for that undefined amount of time. Oh, and I have a splendid idea for this week's assignment!"

"Oh this is going to be _good_." someone says and everyone knows what is going to happen now.

"Who said you could rule this place just cause Mr Shue takes a week off?", Santana asks. "It is not my intention to rule this place, I just want to- " "play the boss? "No! Directing a glee club means taking responsibility and there's a lot of stuff to do and I simply wanted to protect you guys from that, from that... _effort._ Furthermore Finn and me are the captains ever since you elected us and..." "_Elected_ ?" Santana laughs without humour. "What do you think you are now, president? We simply chose you guys because we didn't want beards drawn on our faces which wouldn't have made a difference for you and your nasty _facial_ hair" She shakes her black hair and purses her lips provokingly "But if I recall all of us were in the photo which pretty much makes the voting invalid" Rachel hesitates and that's when the only guy I've ever fallen for - aka my step brother ( our parents married later!)- stands up for his girlfriend "Guys, I think Rachel is really just trying to help you when she directs glee club! It's not like she's giving all the solos to herself" he looks anxiously at Rachel "You aren't, are you?" "Of course I'm not! Actually I just wanted to introduce this week's assignment." She goes up to the board and writes in black capital letters _Chemistry._

Usually I'm all worked up for an assignment. But, chemistry seriously? How am I supposed to write about Chemistry when I don't even... have it with someone? No sparks flying anywhere, who am I kidding? I haven't even had a boyfriend yet!

"All of us should be able to find a song about Chemistry, I myself have found about eleven songs I will most certainly present for you guys! It's not rocket science so I hope everyone will gladly present their songs in the course of this week" "Rocket science is science about rockets " Brit, of course. All of us share a half confused half unbelieving look when Rachel says "I've been studying for Chemistry for about a week so, naturally, I thought I would ace this test, so this is why I came up with this wonderful assignment. As the captain of glee club I already prepared a number which I would like to present now. You can tell me how excellent it was afterwards" Chemicals React by Aly and AJ starts playing and Rachel starts singing. You can say what you want about her but she really can sing and she doesn't only sing it's like she's giving a song a complete new meaning, a new life only she knows about.

_You make me feel out of my element  
>Like I'm walkin' on broken glass<br>Like my worlds spinnin' in slow motion  
>And you're movin' too fast<em>

Her voice sounds incredible when she ends the song:

_We__lived__  
><em>_We__loved__  
><em>_We__hurt__  
><em>_we__jumped__  
><em>_We're__right__  
><em>_We're__wrong__  
><em>_We're__weak__  
><em>_We're__strong__  
><em>_We__lived__to__love___

_But__the__planets__all__aligned__  
><em>_When__you__looked__into__my__eyes__  
><em>_And__just__like__that__  
><em>_Watch__the__chemicals__react__  
><em>_And__just__like__that__  
><em>_The__chemicals__react__  
><em>

"I hope I gave you enough inspiration for your own song choice", Rachel quickly shouts over the sound of the ringing bell as we move out of the room. Sometimes I pity Rachel. People don't give her enough credit - well, they'd if she wasn't so annoying - anyway she tries so hard to please us. Despite her flaws she has actually always been there for us and I really miss her and our sleepovers with Mercedes. Since they both have been dating it's like they completely forgot about me, like I don't matter. Which I do when it comes to my dad. Like she knows what I'm thinking she comes up to me "Kurt, is something wrong? You didn't look so pleased during the song. I know it isn't quite our genre still I'm always open to expand my singing range and -" "The song was incredibly well sung, Rachel. It's just ... Can I tell you something? Do you promise not to tell Finn?" "I- sure, Kurt, what's wrong?" "I- I am just lonely I guess. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to and-" "But you have Mercedes, and me, and Finn, and- well you have all of us. You know that you have our back, don't you?" "Of course, Rachel still I think...well, you wouldn't understand anyway" I give up and want to go but there's something in her eyes telling me not to. "You may be lonely but you're never alone. I guess I know where this is coming from. How about the two of us going to Breadstix tonight? We could, well, look at the ... food they have there? I mean you don't _need_ to go if you don't want to but ... I'd really love you to go with me." "That sounds perfect! After school?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kurts POV

Breadstix is full as usual still as we mention that we're Santana's friends we get a table for two immediately. "So, what type of guys do you prefer?" Rachel asks after we ordered. I blush and shrug. "I don't know, well… Someone who is nice, funny and genuine and … " I hesitate. "Someone who _cares_ " Rachel nods understandingly. "How about that guy?" She points discreetly on a guy sitting across the room. He has wavy dark blonde hair - natural, obviously - and is quite good looking. Across his table sits an even better looking person - a girl with dark brown hair, braided. He holds her hand and then they start kissing. "For some reason I don't think he plays for my team" "Oh. Well, don't look at me like that, she could have been his sister!"

We play the game "How about that guy?" for a while when she finally gives up.

"Wow, you really are selective" "Just because I want someone who is gay?" "Well, you know what I mean. This is tougher than I thought." Suddenly the light dims

"What's happening?" "And now", the old waitress Mrs Cazear, begins with a monotone voice "the Dalton Academy's Warblers. Have fun" Rachel wrinkles her nose "_Dalton Academy's Warblers_? That's a Glee club. Perfect opportunity to spy on the competition for Sectionals" There's a bunch of guys standing in dark blue blazers. Oh - no, it's a formation they're all surrounding another guy who isn't as tall as them wearing the same blazer. His hair is dark brown just like his puppy like eyes embraced by long dark lashes. His triangle shaped eyebrows have the same colour and I wonder if he had ever been made fun of.

He smiles cockily as he takes the mic "We are the Warblers. And we're gonna rock your world" "As if" Rachel mutters. His voice is deep yet melodic even when he talks. His face looks like he's used to smiling and laughing - he has the perfect face for a smile. Suddenly shocked about how much I noticed in this short amount of time I lay back waiting for the show to begin. What makes you beautiful by that new hot boy band One Direction starts playing

_You're insecure __  
><em>_Don't know what for __  
><em>_You're turning heads __  
><em>_When you walk through the do-o-or_

He makes a weird gesture with his head as if to try to nod at everyone in the room which looks both: awfully arrogant and awfully precious at the same time.

The boys start dancing and soon it becomes a real show. Rachel keeps saying something under her breath that sounds like curses but I don't even hear her - The only thing I can focus on is that guy and his performance. Um, I mean _the warblers_ and _their_ performance.

_So c-come on __  
><em>_You got it wrong __  
><em>_To prove I'm right I put it in a so-o-ong _

I swear in that moment he looked right into my eyes and I look away as if I got caught with my hands in the cookie jar

_I don't know why __  
><em>_You're being shy_

Seriously?_  
><em>_And turn away when I look into your ey-e-es. _

Oh my god.Is this real life?He's talking to me! Talking to me while singing!_  
><em>_Everyone else in the room can see it __  
><em>_Everyone else but you_

Wake up, stupid, these are the lyrics I tell myself. As if he meant you. As if.

_Baby you light up my world like nobody else __  
><em>He's such a good dancer. He moves swiftly and you can see he loves what he's doing.  
><em>If only you saw what I can see <em>_  
><em>_You'll understand why I want you so desperately_

He's such a good singer. He sings with his heart, you can feel it. A lot of artists have the voice, the looks and maybe even the brains still if you can't believe what he's singing all of these things are useless.  
><em>Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe <em>_  
><em>_You don't know oh oh __  
><em>_You don't know you're beautiful_

He's perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurts POV

"Just go and talk to him! It's not that difficult", Rachel says for the 3rd time now.

After that massive applause I told her about my feelings or my discovery how she called it.

She listened without interrupting which is surprisingly sensitive considering it's Rachel I'm talking about. "Even though I shouldn't encourage a relationship between two glee clubs"-dramatic pause-"I'll accompany you if that's easier"

"Rachel, what if he doesn't like me? What if it doesn't work out the way I imagined in my head the past 5 minutes?"

"But what if it does?"

"It's too much of a risk. I don't want to make a fool out of myself - I did that already"

"Kurt, you don't understand it, do you? All great songs are written about pain, about being rejected - and that's just a part you'll have to go through as well if you want to reach greater highness. " "You're one to talk."

I grumble though I know she's right. She looks at me eagerly and I sigh. "Okay, you won."

She screams and takes my hand. "Perfect."

My heart starts beating faster as we reach him until it beats with the speed of light when we're standing right in front of him. His puppy eyes blink weirdly at our sight.

Oh god. He looks at us waiting but I simply cannot open my mouth.

No, no, no, no, this is going entirely wrong!

While I'm thinking about the best ways to disappear or to just simply fade away into the air Rachel takes the initiative.

"Hi, Warbler. We're Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel, McKinley High." I raise my hand awkwardly "I'm Kurt" I say sheepishly. Rachel and puppy eyes make a face but then he politely shakes my hand which was still awkwardly raised.

"Thought so", he says smiling. "Blaine Anderson"

_Blaine. Blaine Hummel. Kurt Anderson. _

Not knowing what to say I'm really grateful Rachel accompanied me.

"You guys were pretty good. Too boybandish for the Regionals if you ask me and your voice was not firm enough during the bridge, still better than expected."

"Um, thank you, I guess, Rachel."

Rachel smiles"You're welcome- It may not be in my nature to help the competition yet I couldn't help comment these eye catching flaws-"

"Competition? So you're part of McKinley's Glee club?"

"Yes, the both of us are" she says nodding.

"Wow, I didn't even know McKinley _had_ a Glee club … Never heard of you guys" he says, inappropriately enough.

"You will", I hear myself saying and to my surprise puppy eyes - Blaine smiles.

"I'm certain I will. You seem fun"

My heart stops. I seem _fun_. There he said it.

Okay, maybe he was referring to me _and_ Rachel. Impulsively I pluck up all courage

"Actually, I _am _fun" I want to say as we're interrupted by another guy putting his hands on Blaine's eyes.

"Guess who!" That guys says. I cannot help but notice that he's tall and handsome, clear blue eyes and brown hair, lighter than Blaine's. He may be wearing the same Dalton Academy uniform yet the way he wears it is different. He's more self confident as if to say _Hey, I'm sexy and I know it. If clothes had emotions this one would be happy to be worn by me. _

"I have no idea, give me a clue!" Blaine laughs. I share a look with Rachel which she replies by looking equally confused. Okay, these two are more intimate than just mere friends, aren't they?

I mean, they aren't … My heart pains. Hummel, don't stress out they're probably just friends. As to prove me wrong that guy bends over, still having his hands on Blaine's eyes and kisses him full on the lips.

That's it.

I feel a sharp pain in my body. My heart feels really light and the weight on my shoulders doubles. I clench my fists. Maybe they aren't exclusive. I mean, they could be friends with benefits?

Shall I ask? What am I even so worked up about? It's just a simple, natural question.

Ugh, come on, Kurt say it.

Say it.

"Boyfriends?" Wait, that's not my voice. Rachel looks at that guy challengingly.

"Um, what please?"

"Are you Blaine's boyfriend?" she repeats looking into his eyes.

"Yes, I obviously am. Sebastian Smythe, pleased to meet you. I didn't know Blaine had so impolite friends"

Before Rachel can beat him up I interfere even though it hurts like hell

"Well, isn't that precious?"

"Is it? Ah, yes, it is, indeed!" Rachel puts on an obvious fake smile. To break the tension I clear my throat and Blaine says

" Well, I've just met them. They're part of McKinley's Glee club"

"I'm the captain", Rachel corrects.

"They were just um you could say complimenting me on our performance"

"Wait, McKinley High? Seriously, that bunch of uneducated idiots has a glee club?"

Only Blaine's rolling eyes and Rachel's upsetting squeal make me believe that he actually said what I just heard.

"How dare you?" Rachel shouts.

"So what, do you want to disagree?" "Sebastian, cut it out" Blaine whispers.

"Yes, we do have a glee club and we're actually a thousand - if not more-times better than you." Sebastian makes a noise. "Well, if you seriously believe that you're more stupid than you look. Which I thought would be impossible" he hisses with a side look to me.

"Sebastian, do you _always_ have to-"

I shake my head unbelievingly. "No, it's okay, Blaine. We won't lower ourselves to that level. Great performance, I hope we'll see you "

I take a protesting Rachel's hand and lead her to the exit. "I can't believe that guy. We're going to destroy them at Regionals."

"How do you even know they'll take part?"

"Oh, please, just look at them! Look at them!" As I turn around to look at them I almost crush with none other than Blaine.

"Hey, Kurt, was it?" I nod. "I'm really sorry for Sebastian and his behaviour"

"You should be" Rachel mutters.

"I really am. And I think what you did was really cool, Kurt. He's just weirdly jealous saying you had a crush on me which he could see by the way you're looking at me whatsoever." he laughs.

My heart stops. God, after this day I'll probably need some treatment.

"Ridiculous, isn't it?" Rachel squeezes my hand.

"Absurd", I agree. Wow. Saying it out loud almost hurt as much as thinking it.

"We should really hang out together soon. Do you guys wanna, I don't know, drink a coffee the other day?"

"With or without your boyfriend?" Rachel demands.

"Without him, of course." She shrugs. "It's okay with me. Kurt?"

"Sure."

"Thank you", he smiles, really relieved and I can't help but think how cute that is. "I'll give you guys my number."


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt's POV

Chapter 4 Part 1

"Wait, Kurt, if you're gay..." Blaine looks puzzled." Does that mean you guys really aren't dating after all?" Blaine asks in amazement.

Rachel laughs "I'm dating Kurt's step brother Finn."

"Wow. I really thought you guys were a couple. Running around holding hands and stuff."

"We're best friends", I hear her say and my heart melts a little.

"Do you have a boyfriend Kurt?"

I almost choke on my Non-Fat Mocha. "No, I've never had one."

"Well, sometimes it's better not to have one. Or just to wait until you're completely sure. It's no good being with a person for a week if you don't even like them"

"Experience?", I ask

"Well, I really like Sebastian even though he can be really difficult to handle at times" The images popping into my mind make me blush immediately.

"But sometimes I wished we waited until we got together, you know? Things have been happening super fast lately" Blaine takes a sip of his medium drip and runs his fingers through his dark chocolate coloured hair as his puppy eyes look sadly directly at me.

Does that mean they are on the verge of breaking up? Or does that mean he's going to fight for that sad excuse of a relationship? Sometimes I hate myself for overanalysing.

Rachel looks startled. "I cannot believe how you can stick with that guy, you could do so much better, Blaine, and-"

" I told you he isn't that ass he makes out of himself. He's a nice guy, Rachel. I just feel like we _do_ have different priorities. " _Duh_, I think_. Of course, you have. Sebastian Smythe is an impolite jerk whereas you are one of the nicest people I've ever hoped to meet. Can't you see that we have more in common than you and that 90ies DiCaprio rip off? _

Rachel sighs_. _For a short moment - seriously, just the blink of an eye- she gets a satisfied expression on her face and smiles at me and Blaine_. _

"Speaking of priorities, Blaine, I've been thinking about how despite being our competition you seem to be a lovely guy who could maybe learn something from the New Directions."

I raise an eyebrow.

What is she on about?

" This week's assignment is called _Chemistry _which was my brilliant idea - you can give me credit later, and today Tina and Puck performed a lovely duet - of course, some flaws still really well performed- however, how about you guys singing a duet?"

"In your glee club?" Blaine is speechless.

"I'd be honoured to do so! Is that okay with you, Kurt?"

"Um, sure I guess. "

"It's settled then! Here is a list of songs about chemistry I selected for your type of voices yesterday" she searches in her bag for something when Blaine interrupts her.

"Rachel, wait. I think we'll deal with that on our own if that's okay with you, Rachel?"

WHICH EQUALS MORE TIME FOR BLAINE AND ME! I look at Rachel meaningfully.

Poor Rachel looks really disagreeing when she meets my glance she pushes her hair behind her ear with an aggressive gesture.

" Of course. Still here my suggestions. You don't need to take one of them though. Do you think it could be ready for, let's say, the day after tomorrow?"

"No problem", I say.


	5. Chapter 4 Part 2

Kurt's POV

Chapter 4 Part 2

I'm so excited, I couldn't even sleep last night.

Blaine and I have been practising the last two days and got to know each other more. Blaine's favourite musical is Wicked. He loves Disney movies and football.

No siblings but a whole lot of love for the Warblers who are just like his brothers - except for Sebastian who is his lover.

Ugh.

Blaine is endearing, really. He's one of these people who really want an honest answer when they ask how you are doing or what your day was like. He isn't curious- he's just caring.

He doesn't seem to have a great relationship with his parents thus speaking rarely about them.

I wanted to know more about it, of course, but he was terse and I didn't want to force him into telling me things he obviously didn't want to. I wonder if he talks to Sebastian about the things we talk about - if Sebastian's ostentation makes him cringe or smile - or maybe both for that matter.

Today we're going to perform the song we chose in glee club!

It took me hours - seriously, this is not a hyperbole-, to get ready. I decided to wear a black leather jacket and a black shirt underneath it with a hat.

I'm so happy!

I keep smiling like an idiot and approach my locker as suddenly someone throws me against it. I squeal, shocked, as I look up to see the guy's face: David Karofsky.

"What you lookin' at, fag?" he shouts at me as I wince. David has been bullying me as long as I can remember and he is unlikely to stop. Tina runs to me, looking terrified.

"Kurt, are you ok?" I put on a smile.

"Sure. He's just being the asshole he's always been. I'm fine, nothing can ruin this day."

She looks at me confused. "What's that supposed to mean? Why don't you just report him to the school? I'm sure- "

"How many people have reported these guys? Not only for tossing us around but also for throwing slushies into the faces of every single member of our glee club? There won't be consequences because after all nobody cares about us", I say bitterly. "However, today's different. "

"Oh, so today we're going to meet that mysterious Blaine Warbler?"

"Exactly. You're going to love him - I mean, you can't help it. "

When I enter the choir room, I have to suppress a laugh: Santana and Rachel are fighting as always while Quinn rolls her eyes at them and Puck's thinking dirty things - you just can tell.

Rachel's eyes light up when she sees me. "Kurt! Where's Blaine? People are getting excited about our competition and want to see what he's capable of."

"I texted him twice this morning and a couple of minutes ago. He didn't reply any of them but yesterday he said he'd be here at..."

I look at my watch.

" Oh. Ten minutes ago." My stomach begins to flip.

What if ...?

Rachel raises an eyebrow, questioning.

"Where is he?", she demands.

" I don't know, Rachel", I admit, trying to hide the shaking in my voice.

What if...?

Rachel doesn't seem to notice my inner break down - or maybe she's just oblivious to it, it's Rachel Berry after all. She takes a deep breath as she doesn't want to freak out - yeah, like she's the one being dumped right now.

There.

He dumped me.

No, he'll come.

He probably just didn't catch the bus or anything like that. He won't let me down.

He said he wouldn't ever let me down.

" Santana said she had a song to perform and nearly ripped my hair off when I told her that you guys were going to sing together today so, if he's not coming you should probably inform her yourself since-"

"God, Rachel! Just shut up and text him if you want to know where he is so badly!" I snap at her. She looks at me shocked for a second-then sad- and, even worse disappointed. She mumbles something under her breath about texting him and reaches for her purse.

My heart beats loudly and fast while her fingers are tipping on her cell phone. Under different circumstances I'd apologize for snapping at her but I'm too miserable myself.

_Maybe I've been imagining things - maybe Blaine doesn't feel and will never feel anything more for me than what we are now. _

_What we are now. What the hell are we? I thought we were friends but maybe he doesn't even feel like that? _

_Maybe he won't show up because he simply doesn't feel like it. Why would he come? _

_I'm just some dude he met at Breadstix. It might have felt like something different - but maybe it isn't. I'm just another guy._

Wait, I shouldn't think that.

_He said he would never let me down_. Rachel's cell phone vibrates.

He replied to her.

He replied her texts but didn't bother to answer mine.

When she looks up

I already know what his text says. She's no good at hiding feelings.

"Um, Blaine cannot attend today's meeting"

All of a sudden the room's chatter dies. Everyone's looking at me. _Why can't they keep talking_?

This is so embarrassing. I know what they think. I can almost hear it.

Rachel approaches me, smiling unsurely.

"Kurt, I'm sure his absence is due to important private issues he did not feel comfortable to share with me", Rachel assures.

Instead of telling her how unconvinced she looks about her own theory I just bite my lip and, then, put on a smile when I'd love to just lay down and cry.

"I'm sure about that. Santana, didn't you want to sing something?" Without commenting the situation Santana stands up - something I'm grateful for.

During her performance I cannot help but think about Blaine. How he just ditched me.

How could he? I would never do that.

Then again, I'm in love with Blaine. I am. Different situations, I guess.

When you're in love you want to just climb on a rooftop and scream on the top of your lungs your feelings. You smile like an idiot and want everyone to know that you're not the same anymore - you cannot be the same after what you've been feeling after all.

However, when you're in love, there is a time, just like today, where you just want to die.


	6. Chapter 5

5. Santana's POV

"Santana!", an annoying voice screams.

Oh god. I quicken my pace as I walk down the hallway of McKinley High.

Rachel Schnozzle Berry is on my track, swirling people while I force myself to look straight forward. Eventually I give up and wait for her - I am interested in what that dwarf wants from me. "Santana! I've been calling you, didn't you hear me?", she asks, taking a deep breath.

"I _did_ hear you but frankly, I didn't want to be seen with you"

"Oh", Rachel makes.

"Actually, I still don't want to, so what do you want, Dwarf McSchnozzle?"

She crosses her arms defensively

"It's about Kurt. He's not been doing well since last week when Blaine ditched him."

"Which means?"

"Santana, seriously?" Rachel looks at me unbelievingly. "Look at him! He's a mess!"

As if it was scripted, Kurt passes.

Wow.

His once oh so gay face looks paler than ever, he looks sick with that fat bags under his eyes. Either he cried a bunch of gay tears or he didn't get any sleep last night - or he cried all night.

Strange enough, my heart pains when I look at him. Not in the usual way but different - I pity him. "Sectionals are in a week, Santana. I know you hate us but we have one thing in common - All of us want to win Sectionals. We cannot win with Kurt being in that state and you know that!"

You're wrong.

I don't hate you guys.

I love you guys.

I love Glee Club.

You're my friends, my best friends - you're the only ones that would accept me even if I wasn't a cheerleader or ... But I don't say these things aloud. I never do.

"As much as I hate it, I have to agree with you, Hobbit. What is porcelain on about anyway? I mean that Warbler dumped him - so what?"

Rachel hesitates."They're good friends, why wouldn't he be upset?"

One moment. Oh my god!

This is getting better by the second. "I'm a bitch not stupid. He's crushing on him, isn't he? That explains a lot. The nonstop blabbering - seriously, you're actually the Blabbermouth out of the two of you. Why doesn't Frankenteen talk to Kurt? They're brothers after all." I ask.

"He tried to, but Kurt wouldn't listen", she says sadly. "Well, there's only one thing we can do"

"I know, will you get the others? Thank you for doing this" Rachel adds quickly.

"I'm not doing this for you", I clear up. "Or for Kurt. I'm doing this for myself"

Part 2

"A Girl-what?", Kurt spats. "Girlvention", I clear up. Kurt looks at me sheepishly.

"First, I'm not a girl. Second what would you want to talk with me?"

God. Ungrateful brat.

"You really aren't? Weird, because since that Blaine incident you've been acting like one", I counter. His cheeks flush and it looks like he is mad.

Job done.

Before he can answer Rachel interferes "What Santana is saying that we shouldn't be bothering with details. Kurt, we need to talk to you. Ever since what happened last week you've been miserable!", Rachel exclaims.

"We know what guys trouble is like", Mercedes adds. "We ordered you here so you could know that you can talk to us whenever you feel like things are going out of hand. We're right here"

"So are we going to wait everyday here in the Choir Room for Kurt?", Brit asks. "I've been here since yesterday anyway"

I laugh.

That comment was typically Brit, she's just so sweet with everyone. She even manages to make Kurt smile, just for a second though.

"I appreciate that you all gathered here but I'm okay. Seriously"

"No, you are not", Quinn says simply.

"Have you tried to contact him after what happened last week? Maybe he didn't mean to offend you but did not have time as I suggested", Rachel says smiling weakly.

"What do you think? I've been texting him but he doesn't answer. He doesn't want me-as a friend or anything at all" Tears glimmer in his eyes.

"Well, then you're obviously better off without him", I say shrugging.

"Santana!", Tina exclaims but Quinn makes a sign, which Kurt doesn't notice, meaning she should stop talking.

That's right, bitch.

"What did you say?"

"I told you, that I think you are better off without that jackass"

"You don't even know him!", Kurt shouts.

"So do you, as we have seen"

Silence.

The other girls are surprised that I finally said what they thought.

"So, what do you suggest, being oh so high and mighty?"

"Kurt, seriously, I'm being nice here. You have two possibilities: You either give up and have a pity party, which is exactly what you're doing right now or you grow some balls and fight for your feelings"

"It's not that simple"

"It _is_ that simple. You're just choosing to make it harder so you can torture yourself but you don't deserve that, Kurt, nobody does.

"Quinn adds quietly. Her voice is rarely louder than a whisper but she knows how to talk.

"I just don't want to embarrass myself anymore than I have already done", he confesses quietly. "I am scared of what he will say when I confront him."

I swallow. I know this.

I can relate to it so much.

Too much. I remember when I told Brittany I loved her.

The pain I felt when she said she loved Artie. Would I go back in time and prevent me from telling her, now that I know the answer?

"Regardless the answer", I finally say. "You shouldn't end anything wondering."


	7. Confrontation

Chapter 6

Blaine's POV

„Okay, guys, see you on Monday", I say as I jump off the table I'd performed on. As I pack my bag, Jeff approaches me. His usually neat looking blonde hair is now messy and he looks like he's going to pass out from exhaustion. „Blaine, this song's amazing! We'll kill it!"

I laugh. „Well, if it doesn't kill you, Jeff!" He smiles and hesitates before talking again.

„Say, Blaine, what's up with you and Sebastian? The both of you seem kinda … I don't know, it's just weird. I mean, I'm used to him bitching at you once in a while but now you snap back. Did something happen?"

I sigh.

He is right.

I didn't think people would notice it that quickly but these guys are like my brothers, after all. After Kurt and I spent a lot of time together, Sebastian turned into a jealous jerk. As I don't reply directly, Jeff blushes. „I mean, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to – I just thought that, y'know"

„No, it's alright! I just thought about it... Yeah, we're sort of fighting but don't worry about it" „Okay. Just glad to hear that. But if you wanna talk to someone – I'm here for you." I smile, grateful to have someone who cares. He turns to leave and almost crashes into another guy who just entered the room.

Wait.

It's not just another guy.

_Kurt! _My heart skips a beat -oddly enough. He looks as beautiful as ever, wearing a leather jacket, skinny jeans and a white shirt. Kurt mumbles something under his breath. He probably apologized since Jeff just nods and walks away.

„Kurt", I whisper softly.

But then I remember.

I bailed on him.

I let him down.

He hates me.

And he has every right to do so.

Once again, my heart aches but this time it hurts more. I want to go over and hug him, hold him, but it's impossible.

Why do I want to do that anyway? We know each other for a week or so. There may be some sort of connection I feel but it's probably not real, just what I want to feel. How could I feel more for someone I barely know than for someone I've been since forever? I cannot keep this up. I have to sever all contact with him. I promised Sebastian and Kurt will be better off this way.

„Blaine", he says, steady. Since when does my name sound that magical? „What are you doing here?", I manage to ask.

_ I have to sever all contact with him._

_ „ _I'm here to confront you_"_, Kurt says simply. „I waited, Blaine. If you don't want to be friends with me, fine, but I thought you were better than just let someone down. You should at least tell me the reason for this. I deserve more than that." I wonder if he knows that despite his try to keep his voice steady, it shook various times.

I breathe deeply.

He's right.

I hurt him so much.

I lead him on, I really did.

Not on purpose but does that matter?

"I wanted to come, Kurt, but I couldn't. Sebastian wouldn't let me. I'm sorry" while saying the words I notice how ridiculous they sound. Kurt looks started for a moment -until he bursts in small bubbles of laughter. I feel ashamed now and I wish I had made up some stupid reason but the truth is out.

"Wow, I never took you for that weak. So you couldn't just tell me in one freaking text that your boyfriend wouldn't let you sing a stupid duet with me?" He shakes his head, disbelievingly. "You know, I thought you liked me." I do. "I thought you were different." I am. "But you aren't. And I don't know if I just expected too much or if you really are the things I thought you were-deep down- but, never mind."

Again he takes a deep breath. "Thank you for being honest with me." he says politely and leaves before he can be left.

I don't call his name.

I don't ask him to forgive me for ignoring him.

I let him go.


	8. A change of mind

Chapter 7

Kurt's POV

I sit in the school library and try to focus on the pile of work in front of me. A lot of exams are coming up and I need to do my best. It's been two weeks since I confronted Blaine. He didn't try to contact me nor did I see him in Breadstix - not that I went there for the sole purpose of meeting him. After this incident I told Rachel about what had happened and asked if I overreacted. She denied but it's Rachel I'm talking about. She probably thought I _under_reacted.

The school is almost completely empty, people are probably at home or having fun outside. Rachel and Finn have a date tonight, so do Mercedes and Sam.

I sigh.

This studying session just doesn't make sense. I can't concentrate on anything other than my miserable single-existence which will probably make me end up alone with a bunch of cats. I close my maths book loudly and pack my bag.

After saying goodbye to Mrs Prez, the library lady, I go to the school's garden. Sugar's dad donated some money in our school so she can have her own 'Motta Square Garden'- ignoring the fact that the Madison Square Garden is not an actual garden. Surprisingly, it's become a rather beautiful place even though people like Puckerman misuse this place to smoke weed.

I sit down under the big oak tree and pull out my treasure of the year a well written biography of the musical genius that is Patti LuPone. I'm so absorbed in this book that I don't even notice someone drawing closer to me.

As I hear a twig break, I look up and almost scream in surprise. In front of me stands none other than: David Karofsky. He looks at me just as surprised as I am – and embarrassed?

"What are you doing here, Kurt?" _Kurt? That's the first time he says my name instead of insulting me. _"Reading, obviously.", I reply. It's better not to talk much to him. "I can see that", he says smiling. Okay, now he's smiling?

Is this really Karofsky?

Is this another trick?

Making me feel save just to shove me against the tree or call me names again? I just nod and act like I keep on reading but I'm fully aware of his presence.

He ricks his neck to read the cover of my book. When he finally gets it, he asks something I will never, and I mean, _never_ forget.

"Who the hell is that Patty LuPone?"

I cannot believe this guy's ignorance. I mean, sure he's a bully. And a homophobe. And probably racist, too. But now he's telling me he doesn't know about the icon that is Patti LuPone? Seriously? I've lost faith in humanity.

During my brief explanation of who Patti LuPone is, I recognize something in his face which I cannot help but file under sincere interest.

"So that chick is basically a singing actress?"

I cringe.

"Patti Ann LuPone is an inspiration"And after a while I add "She's one of the reasons I want to get out of here."

To my surprise, he sounds gentle as he says"I'm sure you will." I look into his eyes and I think I'm dreaming. How come this is the same guy who shoved me against my locker three weeks ago? I smile and, even though it'll make the magic go away, I ask him. "Did something happen to you?" He looks confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, you know what I mean. Didn't you insult me, like a month ago? And now you're all chatty with me?" He looks surprised for a moment – maybe he didn't think he behaved differently, or maybe he was surprised about me pointing it out-but then sadness takes over his face.

"Yes, I did. And I'm sorry for what I did. I know, this comes late, but, would you forgive me? I-"

his voice breaks and tears start streaming down his face.

"I'm so terribly sorry for everything I did to you. I wasn't myself, I swear, I'm not a bad person!

I never wanted to be this person, it's just", he sobs, dashing away the tears with his arm-useless, since new ones continue to come.

"it's just it's so much easier to be this person", he points at his red, shiny football jacket. The piece of clothing which defines who you are at this school. "than to be who I really _am_"

I don't know what to do.

I want to comfort him, tell him whatever is bothering him will be alright- that everything will be eventually.

Yet something is stopping me from comforting the crying guy in front of me.

I still cannot get over how things can change from one minute to another. I stroke his arm, gently an intimate gesture.

He smiles and his underlip shakes. "I came out of the closet this morning", he says.

I stare at him.

When I finally manage to form words, it feels like a year has passed.

"You're gay?"

I shake my head.

Karofksy, the known homophobe?

This doesn't make sense.

"My parents didn't believe it. They said they'd ship me off to some camp where I could learn to be myself." he laughs but it's fake and cold "Isn't it funny?When I'm finally myself, they tell me to be someone else!Someone's idea of me!", he shakes his head quickly as if he could erase the painful memory.

"I don't know what to do, Kurt. I can't go back home. They said that if I went to school, it'd clear my mind and if I still didn't think straight-", he laughs at the words. I hug him. Simple as that. Whatever happened between David and me, everything he did to me, is irrelevant for now. Here he is, the guy who hurt me a thousand times, looking more vulnerable than I possibly ever could. "Hush", I say.

"Everything will be alright." "How can you say that? How do you know?", he asks but he doesn't resist. "I just know it", I reply. I look at him again, smiling encouragingly.

And that's when his lips meet mine.


	9. A kiss like forever

Chapter 7

Kurt's POV

His lips are cold and hard, and more importantly: sudden. I don't know how to react – I part my lips in surprise and he takes it as an invitation: David's kiss- our kiss tastes like salt and heat, like a mixture of despair and exploding passion. I can feel his tears on my lips and I realize that I like the taste of pain. Yet I cannot seem to feel anything else but the salt: The kiss is too sudden, too rushed to know what I feel.

I don't know how long this kiss lasted – but I'm the one who finally turns away. I look at him, at that confused guy who only came out this morning.

Did I take advantage of him or did he take advantage of me?

Why am I thinking like this?

I shake my head in disbelief. Why am I doing this?

I love Blaine.

But Blaine doesn't love me.

"I shouldn't have done that", David says but I don't listen. "I'm sorry. I'll go home"

"Don't apologize, Karofsky. You didn't force me after all", I say.

"I know. I'll go home. I need to set things right.", he takes a deep breath." To finally make things right."

I can't think of any nice things to say to him, the only thing I can think about is how I wanted my first kiss to be with Blaine. All I can think about is Blaine and how his face flashed in front of my eyes while kissing David. I'm too confused and for a short moment it occurs to me that I'm being selfish but I don't care.

David leaves without a word.

I can't believe I'm here. Again. Dalton Academy. A tall blonde guy with blonde hair approaches me. "You seem kinda lost. Do you look for someone?"

"Yes. Blaine Anderson?"

"Oh! I remember you! You're the guy from the other day? We kinda ran into each other?"

I smile at the memory. "Sure, I remember. You're a Warbler."

"I'm Jeff" "Kurt", I say shaking his hand.

Jeff smiles at me and shows me the way to a dorm room.

"That's my and Blaine's dorm room. Sebastian wanted to share one with him but our principal wouldn't allow", he chuckles.

I swallow hard and try not to seem to tense. I thank him and he heads off.

My hand lies on the door handle for a moment until I just close my eyes and open the door without thinking twice.

The room is big and tidy: There are two beds, one with red and one with black bedding, two cupboards and a bunch of books and DVD s on a shelf.

I recognize the Hunger Games trilogy and other famous books. Blaine lies on the bed with red bedding, focused on some book.

"Already back Jeff? Didn't take you too long", he says without looking up. He's so endearing. I clear my throat. "It's not Jeff. It's me, Kurt", I say.

Blaine looks up immediately and takes off his glasses.

Oh, I didn't even notice them. So he needs to wear glasses while reading? He's so cute.

God.

He always manages to put me off my stride even when I'm that confused and desperate to talk. "Kurt", he says gently and he makes my name sound like something precious. That's it. Simply saying my name this way, make me forget about everything I held onto.

I miss him so much and even though I feel like I did the right thing, I hurt myself more when I'm without him. But I can't show that.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to sabotage your completely unhealthy relationship", I hear myself say. Smirking, he says "I didn't think so. You look quiete upset"

There's worry on his face.

"Did something happen?" I'll tell him what happened. In chronological order. I'll sound mature and steady and we'll discuss it like adults, and it'll help me. And even though he cannot kiss me, I'll feel better. This is the plan.

Too bad my mouth seems to have other plans for me.

"I just got my first kiss", I simply reveal.

"Oh. You have never been kissed?", he asks smiling.

"No, I've been kissed. That's what I'm telling you", I explain.

"I'm just so confused because... when I kissed that guy. I-" I swallow.

If I say it aloud, there will be no turning back. He'll know. _Screw it, Hummel. You won't get out of Lima without taking risks. Might as well start now. _"I thought of you."

I see his face softening.

"I always think of you. I can't help it. Since I met you, I've always felt like, we were meant to be more than", I make a helpless gesture, all-embracing, emphasizing the space between us"more than this. I feel like when you meet the kind of person you could see yourself spending your life with, and when you're foolish enough to let them go- you need to pluck up courage and make them know how you feel" I blush but it's too late.

Blaine stands up and walks toward me.

His face shows a puzzled expression but I don't regret saying what I just said. My heart beats with the speed of light.

He must hear my heartbeat.

He comes closer and takes my face in both of his hands and for a brief moment, I can see everything he held in:pain and love.

Now his lips are almost on mine, they're just separated by centimeters when I just go for it and kiss him. His lips are soft and hot, he moves them as if they were made for me, just so I could solve the riddle of their movement.

He bites my under lip, softly and a tingle goes through my body.

I'm overwhelmed – who would've thought that a kiss, the most simple gesture of affection could make me feel like this? It was that kind of kiss which makes you crave more, a kiss you could feel in every inch of your body, a kiss which could last a second but still taste like forever.


	10. From the start

Chapter 8

Kurt's POV

A door slam interrupts our kiss and I nearly jump. It's Sebastian. He looks awfully vulnerable, his mouth opened in shock, with his hands filled with Chinese food and DVD s.

He saw the kiss.

Something about the way he looks just tells me he saw the kiss. I break away from Blaine and try to control my shaking hands.

"My, my", Sebastian says. Blaine squares his shoulders and looks right into Sebastian's eyes.

"Look what I found. Two lying bitches", Sebastian smiles at the both of us but it's fake, spiteful-and hurt. Desperately waiting for Blaine to say something- to say _anything, _Sebastian continues:

"I knew I could smell the stench of public schools. Blaine, I don't blame you, your little stalker is more ruthless than I thought he could be. " and, turning to me, he adds "I underestimated you. When I looked at you that first time in Breadstix, I thought you were some inexperienced piece of gay crap but you, love, are a slut" His smile while saying this is as sweet as sugar and this is what hurts most. "Sebastian, stop it!", Blaine exclaims in shock.

"How can you possibly say these things?" "With my mouth. You should know my mouth very well by now, it never takes a holiday" I flush while Blaine just shakes his head in disbelief.

"Sebastian, I'm just as much to blame as-" "Sometimes when I look at you, Kurt, I don't even know what gender you're representing. Are you a guy wearing girl's clothes or a girl wearing boy's clothes?", Sebastian just interrupts Blaine's try to explain what happens.

He doesn't even want to know the truth.

He just wants someone to blame for the betrayal we committed. He chose me to be the scapegoat.

"Sebastian", I say calmly. "There's no need for insults here. I know how you feel and I'm sorry for making you feel this way. I know-"

"No, you don't know anything. So just shut the fuck up and spare me these talks about feelings and that crap. ", he spits the words out.

"Actually, I'm disappointed in you, too, Blaine. Like, if you had to cheat on me, couldn't it be with a hot guy? Someone who doesn't look and dress like a girl on her period?"

"Enough, Sebastian!", Blaine shouts at him.

For a moment it's completely quiet in the room.

"You shouldn't blame Kurt for what I did nor should you insult him like that! Don't act like our relationship is normal-"

"You know, Blaine, I cheated on you, too. But I was classy enough to keep it out of these walls.", Sebastian says and suddenly he looks at me like he'd forgotten I was in the room, too.

"Beat it, bitch, nobody wants you here." I'm waiting for Blaine to defend me but he doesn't say a single word. He just stares at Sebastian with an empty expression on his face.

"Sebastian-", I begin but he won't let me finish."How come you're such a filthy men stealing whore, Kurt? I bet you got it from your momma" I flounce out of the room, I don't want him to see me cry.

* * *

><p>Blaine's POV<p>

"Kurt, wait!", I shout but Kurt already left. I want to follow him but there's one thing I need to do before I can be with Kurt.

"Sebastian, what was that?", I ask him. He doesn't reply directly and now, after Kurt is gone, I see his expression clearly.

It's not pain, not despair: It's hurt pride. "Me defending my property" Shaking my head at the word "I'm _not_ your property."I look at Sebastian.

He used to look beautiful to me once, but now all I can see is a weak excuse of a man.

_You're beautiful but you're empty._

"I'm breaking up with you", I hear myself say. "You aren't who you used to be" I open the door rapidly and run after Kurt.

"Where are you going? Blaine! ", Sebastian shouts.

The walls echo his desperate words.

For the last time I turn around and look into my former lover's eyes "Where I should have been from the start"


End file.
